The Extrinsic

Amidst mosquito coils, sweat moustaches, and the presence of never ceasing rooster crows, I find peace. By some otherworldly force, I again have stumbled on the serendipitous fortune that is only found in self sustaining, bug infested, mildew covered islands. To find homeyness in such a place is an opposition to my beliefs-- my idea of "comfort" is snow and technology, soft carpets and dense conifer trees, snuggling up in a cozy living room next to someone familiar, enjoying coffee and conversation. So what's the deal? Why is it, as I endure the electrical shock of an overused and old computer and try to retain sanity as I smoosh yet another bug from the keyboard, I feel so contented and at home?

Contrary to your own personal feelings about your own friends, I'll say now that I've obtained the greatest company in the world. It's like the world's most amazing, inspiring, admirable, exciting, and generally funny people have been gravitating toward me since I set foot in this joint (meaning, well, life). To leave them is to leave a piece of my heart, and with each departure emptiness seems to engulf me. It is only after the initial shock of loss that I realize what happens is quite magical. That place in my ribcage is filled with them, and I take them wherever I go. Even when I get caught up in the flowing madness that is The World Outside of the Box, I can go into myself and fondly find the ones I love (facebook helps also).

So here I am, almost two weeks deep in my latest adventure, a two week taste of the other side of the world. This side of the international date line , for some reason, makes me so happy. The culture here is so rich that if you ate it, you'd probably throw up (this also applies to some of the food...). To be cliche, I've been on an emotional rollercoaster these past few weeks; [almost] graduating from college, hitting the road with one of my best friends in hopes of rediscovering my roots and possibly uncovering my future, finding my sister in her natural habbitat: all of these events are just jostling to my head as I get ready for what should be the Greatest Thing I've Ever Done. The Fiji tickets are bought (safely stored with my mom... I know she wouldn't lose them because I know how excited she is about visiting me. P.S. why the fuck do they still make paper airplane tickets? Geeze!). I'm moving to the other hemisphere. And I'm scared as shit. Being here reminds me of Samoa, which makes me happy and sad beyond description. Fiji will be the same, I suppose, only I won't have a dynamic group of kids to be scared with. Independence is something I support and aspire to, but every time I take a step alone I hesitate with extreme force. Right now I just don't know what to think.

I guess I keep repeating this over in my head: Find out what you're afraid of and go live there.