The Life You Save May Be Your Own

So I once again have landed in the self-induced attention binge/purge with former boyfriend. I’ve been doing this to myself for 3 years, the cycle of break up and make up becoming so predictable I feel stupid for not seeing this coming sooner. Every last detail of the next 4 months I could easily prophesize... I’ve done it before. Trying to escape to a faraway island did nothing as I had hoped—instead of becoming less dependent on one another we, if this is even possible, grew closer. I guess the fact that we didn’t have to actually spend time together made our relationship stronger. First warning sign. The months following our reunion have been, well, a series of pissed off nights, mid-sentence hang ups, and boring conversations. What the fuck have I been thinking? What am I doing? And why is it, when I finally realize the blandness of a relationship that is so obviously not right, I can’t stop thinking about how much I miss him. I’m in some self-destructive love mess that I can’t clean up. meh. more later .