Locked like Human Vines

My inspiration tonight comes from that of an opportunity to explore and dissect the mind of another. Nervous semi-first kind of date is looming but with the direct initiative to learn from each other it is a bit less daunting. That said, I’m moved to reflect on previous relationships, however short, significant, or purely sexual, to identify the positive that festers in the remains of them all—I’ve learned a lot. A friends advice was to be ok with the fact that everyone dies alone and as I let this sink in, I can at least let the past shape me so that though I’m alone, I carry with me everything I stumble upon.

I’ve learned that you can surround yourself with people, but still be alone. I’ve learned how to spear fish and swear in Spanish, to like sushi. To challenge my own mind and enjoy it for the challenge. I’ve learned to be comfortable completely naked, to grab someone and kiss them without thinking, to be brave. I’ve learned to take pictures without question- knowing my subject will turn to gold, and to dance without shame, to seek out adventure and swing from the arms of my friends. I’ve learned to make tortillas and that it’s ok to lay in bed all day and be lazy with someone. I can snowboard and fly fish, not shower for 10 days, kick anyone’s ass in a mosh pit. I’ve learned to love and to hate, and learned that it is possible to do these two things at the same time- hating is a passion, hurting is a passion (so emo, I know). I can drink kava with chiefs and play poker with strangers, go to a bar in the city and drink anyone under the table. I’ve learned that things are much less awkward when you laugh, and that Egyptian music can make anything better. To read Gibran and Bukowski and Frog jokes. To love coffee. To love my family, and to adopt a new family wherever I am. I can skinny dip with sharks and climb mountains, and seek out exactly what I want in the world (though i dont know what that is yet)...

I don’t know. Midnight rants are always a good idea until executed. Wish there was something more prophetic to explain with words but I cannot. Go read Bukowski and Meiko. Here's something to leave you with--

and if you have the ability to love
love yourself first
but always be aware of the possibility of
total defeat
whether the reason for that defeat
seems right or wrong--