Negated Myself

Meh. I’m in a funk. And not like that afro, disco floor funky, but a true to form fucked funk. Again I’ve turned down the opportunity of what I know would be a great time because of the feelings that are currently tearing at the walls of my heart. I don’t want to talk…to you, or to anyone. It frustrates me that I feel this way when you are so easily and readily diverted- especially because I know that this diversion is for the best for both of us, one that I strongly encouraged from the beginning of all of this.

I need to figure out where to stop, when to stop, how to stop. I crave so much to reunite the energy that once enveloped us, but there’s so much space between us the thought of trying to rekindle the feelings seems superfluous. We were an entity, growing together, teaching each other, figuring out how to Be. And as a result all this growing , though we often avoided the idea of it, we somehow ended up on separate paths. An Island, a city, a highway… it didn’t matter what divided us, but that we were no longer together. I know that it’s hard to let go of something that was so arresting and epic, but it’s time to walk alone. Please don’t be mad that I don’t feel right in my own shoes, but I need to figure out myself before I try and share with someone else. We’ve had so much together, and though I need my space, that doesn’t mean I don’t you in it. I want to stare at you, take pictures of you, dance with you- you’re everything to me, and can’t stand the barrier evolving between us.

Fuck. Come on.

I'm sorry. So sorry.